Recently, I lost my father. It’s hard to put into words how final and disorienting that kind of loss feels. Grief has a way of rearranging your inner landscape—of making you question the path you’re on and the very “why” behind it. In the days and weeks following his passing, I thought a lot about legacy, purpose, and something unexpected: his bucket list.
My father never used the term “bucket list,” but in hindsight, he had one. His just looked different from most. It wasn’t flashy or bucket-list-blog-worthy. He was not skydiving or scaling mountains. He was doing something far more profound: showing up for everyone around him. He built a life rooted in integrity, service, and quiet strength. He created stability for us, gave without fanfare, and asked for little in return. If I could capture his list, it might look like this:
- Keep your word.
- Make people around you feel safe.
- Find beauty in simplicity.
He raised my siblings and me with love and, most of all, carried our burdens with grace.
Do You Have a Bucket List?
If not, why not? I suppose I do, although mine, like my father’s, probably looks a little different than most. And it has changed with time. My list isn’t about checking off thrill-seeking adventures or chasing adrenaline highs. However, I have skydived a few times, dove off a cliff more than once, and rappelled off the waterfalls; all adventures I’ve undertaken mostly out of curiosity.
Now my interests are more about experiences that expand my horizons, things that stretch me, shape me, and help me grow. As a more recent “bucket list item” demonstrates, there’s no age limit on dreaming, no restrictions on trying new things, no regulations about following your curiosity and expanding your mind. Although it was a long-held dream, I didn’t write Fractured but Fearless until I was in my fifties.
You see, life has already given me plenty of adventure. From “enjoying” the immigrant experience, practicing medicine in the chaotic energy of busy urban hospitals, to launching my own businesses from scratch, I’ve faced more than a few intense challenges. If you want to expand or rethink what a bucket list can be, find your non-traditional, deeply personal, and soul-enriching ideas that move beyond cliché adventures. These aren’t about just doing things—they’re about becoming more of who you are. You are a sum of experiences you go through. One layer after another shapes you to be who you are.
My Goals Now
I find myself focused on self-improvement, creative exploration, and meaningful connection. For me, a bucket list is less about places to go and more about pursuing ideas and skills to master. I’m a lifelong learner, the kind of person who treats every year as an opportunity to dive into something new. It’s like a quiet tradition—my own version of a New Year’s resolution, except mine usually involves picking up a brand-new skill just for the joy of it.
Taking a silent retreat, mastering emotional fluency, facing your own fears, connecting with people who shaped your life, connecting with others to shape theirs, mentoring someone on a path you’ve already walked, creating self-expression and shaping your purpose, forgiving someone who never asked for it, redefining your spirituality, or attending a sacred ceremony of a culture unfamiliar to you are among the items on my bucket list today.
To follow that kind of path takes two elements: curiosity and resilience. New challenges are exciting, but they also come with the guarantee that you will probably stumble more than once. And that is okay. Growth is not about getting things right the first time—it’s about getting it right eventually, like a painting you start on a blank canvas, and then the painting takes a life of its own, like life does. Being willing to fail, get back up, and keep trying. That lesson—that grit—is one of life’s most powerful gifts.
And honestly, that is okay. Some of my most challenging but most important life lessons came in my thirties and forties—lessons I had to learn the hard way. I had to become comfortable in my own skin. I had to rebuild after failures. At the same time, I learned how to truly listen to people, patients, and friends, and it helped me rediscover joy in the ordinary. If I had authored a book back then, it would have lacked the substance I have now.
Update Your Bucket List
Writing Fractured but Fearless has been one of the most demanding things I have ever done. Like all worthwhile pursuits, it needed dedication, vulnerability, and relentless self-reflection. There is something daunting about facing a blank page. Even now, I often ask myself, “Do I have anything to say that matters?” But writing is not about expression—it is about connection. It’s about turning a personal journey into something universal. That act of sharing ideas, emotions, and truths is what draws me to creative work—be it painting, photography, or writing. It’s also the same force that first pulled me toward medicine: the desire to understand, heal, and be part of something larger than myself.
So, what about you? What skill have you always wanted to try? What is holding you back?
What is on your list? Perhaps more importantly, why is it on your list?
Originally posted on Forbes.com